Loos my mind

Having found a rare roach in the toilet I then found that the loo was to remain a major feature in my life at the moment. With all the major surgery that my bowel's have had it seems that my stomach is fairly easily upset. Last night I awoke to find that an urgent trip to the loo was essential, since the diarrhoea was not actually waiting for me to make that move. Being a superhero, with one bound I was on the loo and debating whether I had eaten something that disagreed with me, or perhaps an excess of my fiery sauces had laid this unpleasantness in my path.

In either event there was a major need for bog roll particularly since Asian rolls appear to have much less sheets than are found in the western rolls. This is, of course, a problem easily surmounted with a modicum of thought, or by utilisation of the world's most efficient butt cleaner; which I recommend to all. So a few moments were spent in contemplation and then, quick wash and polish of certain body areas. Since naturally one must remain total cleanliness at all times as a member of the British abroad.
And then the horror of the resulting loo, but did I receive assistance? Ha I was merely told that I should gird my loins, think of England, and do my duty as a British gentleman. Oh the horror, but there was no escape and nothing to do but get stuck in and repair the damage probably arising from an excess of eating and drinking.